Rejection pick-me-ups
Everyone deals with rejection. It’s a part of life.
We’ve heard how rejection is great for you. Well… not “being rejected” — as in being rejected 100% of the time — rather being rejected and having to learn to deal with it and still get back on the horse. “It’s not what happens when you get knocked down……” “What doesn’t kill you…..” “When the going gets tough…..” etc etc etc.
Rejections come in many forms…
Some are more pronounced:
Didn’t get that job? Bummer.
Got dumped? Ouch.
Does no one believe your startup will succeed? Stay strong.
Some are more subtle:
Your good idea was collectively shot down at the latest meeting? Oh well.
Kiddo doesn’t think you’re as cool as you do? Real pain…
Lost out on some new biz? You win some, you lose some.
On and on it goes. Since there is rejection at every turn, but we know that going through it and learning from it is super valuable, I wanted to share some things I’ve learned to help the sting subside a little quicker and get me back on the road as I’ve dealt with my own rejections.
What I’ll share is probably more applicable to the small day-to-day rejections, but that’s not to say they can’t help with bigger things.
- Bob your head
The mind is a tricky thing. For some reason, it has this uncanny ability to let fear, doubt, negativity, etc. take hold in a more natural sense than it lends itself to generating positivity and confidence.
I liken this to how a car is designed to slightly drift right, so (hopefully) a head-on collision is avoided if the driver falls asleep. The mind wants to “drift right” unless it’s actively being kept on the road.
When rejection comes our way we start to drift and it can be tough to keep the wheel straight. Music helps. When things aren’t going my way I’m quick to put on headphones and, like an IV, let some new vibes flow into my system.
I like something that gets my head bobbing. A good beat can go a long way in helping forget the weight of rejection.
2. One Up / One Down
I lived for two years as a missionary in northern Mexico. As Christians, we were charged with sharing a message of Jesus, but even more so we were expected to serve, help and love the people in the areas we were assigned.
Some days sucked. It would be 110 degrees (we walked the streets in slacks, button-up, and tie), there would be dust storms, dogs chased us, people slammed doors in our face, and there were threats of violence. But I noticed a trend — for every day that I wished never happened, there would be one that was awesome. This trend repeated itself enough that I could depend on it.
When stuff isn’t going well and I feel like I’m heading down a black hole I’m able to remember that I can just write off the day I’m in and know that the next one will be better. When rejection is 1–2'ing me in the face, I move on to the next day.
This may actually mean stopping whatever I’m doing that is defeating me and resuming the next day. Might seem unproductive to the world but I’ve realized I’m in this for the long-game. That helps me not be as worried about a few hours here or there.
3. Follow the breadcrumbs
Life is long.
A lot happens.
If you are trying — you are moving forward.
I once had the chance to go on a 65-mile hike through Yosemite National Park. I was a teenager and wasn’t super excited about the excursion.
The first few days we ascended (what felt like) a never-ending mountain. I remember getting really frustrated with the overall pain from the journey. At one point I looked back to see how far we had gone. As I did that, I immediately felt better. Why? Because I could see the distance we had covered. It didn’t make my backpack any lighter, or my feet less sore, but the noticeable progress helped reset my feelings and elevate my perspective.
When things aren’t going your way, take a minute and survey how far you’ve come in life.
Especially — look for the breadcrumbs. The dotted line that took you from one experience to the next. I’ve found it helpful to think about my outlook at any particular breadcrumb point and how things changed from that point to the next.
One common theme: each crumb was a different stop from where I thought I’d go when I was at the previous crumb.
So now, when I’m at my current crumb, I can expect that the next one probably won’t be what I think it is. But I’ll be OK because I have been as I’ve moved forward from all the prior ones.
4. Talk it out
Being stuck in your head can be a bad thing. Negativity compounds upon itself and with no release, it can fester and grow.
What’s the solution? Get it out. I’m a believer that emotions only have one way out. Verbalize them and send them on their way.
Find that friend or family member who you know will just sit and listen and let ’em have it (in a very nice way). Also, return the favor. When someone needs to get emotions out, listen to them and let them work it out.
I went to a therapist for 1.5 years to help me work through some serious stuff in my life. The surprising discovery for me was that there were no tricks in those sessions to help improve my mental well being. Rather, the ability to have someone who I could unload my emotions onto was what helped me start working through my problems. Once I cleared out the cloudy emotions I had a clearer sense of what I needed to do to see improvement.
Talk it out!
4. Walk it out
Just like being stuck in your head can be bad, so can sitting in a ‘negative bubble’. Got an email full of rejection? Stand up and go walk around the block. I’m often stepping outside, or even moving to sit in a different spot.
It’s amazing how shaking things up helps move past raging negativity. Want to combat it like a pro? Take a walk while listening to some music…or calling someone who will let you get some stuff off your chest.
Life is a beautiful thing. Experiencing it all means walking through the muck as much as the sunshine. But it’s the strength we draw as we keep taking steps that makes it all worth it. Take some time today to release any built-up negativity that has reached your life through rejection.
